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Let me introduce your parents
(an original song of mis-information for a "prequel" to Sleeping Beauty that sadly never got produced.)

Let me introduce your parents,
The king is on the left.
The prince you were to marry
Well, he has a little heft.

Briar Rose: That’s Prince Philip?!
Old Woman: In the flesh. All of it.

Now “rotund” might be a kinder word,
But frankly I’d say fat.
Did I mention rather older?
But I’m sure you noticed that.

Briar Rose: But how could they?

Your parents, far from kindly,
Were greedy and were mean.
They couldn’t stand a baby.
So out of sight you’ve been.

Banished to the forest,
Sequestered all your life,
All they wanted of you
Was to be his wife!

Briar Rose: My own parents?

For as large as he’s in volume,
Philip’s kingdom’s larger still,
And into Daddy’s coffers,
His land and gold he’ll spill!

You poor and mislead darling,
To learn the truth like this…
If I were you, I must confess
I’d take it quite amiss.

Your life, I’m sad to say,
Up ‘til now has been a lie.
And not a little white one,
Where the facts have gone awry…

It’s been a big fat whopper,
Where nothing’s as it seems,
The prince you were to marry
Did not come into your dreams.

Briar Rose: But it can’t all be a lie! My aunts... they love me!

Old Woman: Do they now? Didn’t they bring you here and abandon you?

Briar Rose: Yes… but…

Old Woman: Didn’t they say you were to marry a prince?

Briar Rose: Yes, but they’d never…

Old Woman: Do you see any other princes lying around?

Briar Rose: There must be some mistake!

No mistake, my little princess.
The truth’s both plain and clear
Though I know it pains you,
And is difficult to hear.

Your parents sent you packing.
Your aunts fed you a lie.
And if you were not sleeping,
Then you’d surely want to die!

But Maleficent was watching,
She saw your wretched plight.
She couldn’t let this marriage go,
It simply wasn’t right.

She saw you in your dire need,
She heard you sob and weep.
So up she rose, to save the day,
She made you fall asleep.

To frustrate old Prince Philip,
With a bride who wouldn’t wake.
So that after years of waiting,
Your hand, he would forsake.

But there’s been a complication.
A wrench thrown in the cogs,
Some wretched, meddling fairies,
Have thrown it to the dogs.

That meddling fairy trio,
Alas, I have to tell,
Have enchanted all the castle,
In one giant sleeping spell.

So though you slept forever,
Or forever and a day,
The moment that you wakened
I fear, then, so would they.

Which leaves us with a quandary.
A question: what to do?
And my little sleeping beauty,
The answer’s up to you.

Text copyright Schafer All Rights Reserved